The Self-Reparenting process
Emotional self-reliance is our natural state of mind in adulthood. Unfortunately, it can only be achieved with proper emotional education during childhood. However, it’s never too late! Here after, you can acquire the missing emotional education and implement the self-reparenting required steps. It may seem odd or impossible to achieve at first, but with some practice it will become natural and highly rewarding. Enjoy!
Simplified Self-Reparenting Process
1. Self-Love | 2. Self-Leadership (guidance and validation) | 3. Self-Protection are our 3 vital emotional needs.
A 4 parts Self-Reparenting course.
Adult Emotional Dependency (AED) is the crippling condition caused by the lack of self-reparenting in adulthood. One of the most typical AED symptoms is anxiety. This course will take you trough the steps required to self-reparent your body and mind, clearing AED and removing anxiety. The videos are subtitled, we added the transcriptions under each video for your convenience.
Self-Reparenting Part 1 – 5 Essential Insights
Today, you will discover how to clear anxiety from the roots. You will learn the nature of anxiety, where it comes from and how you can get rid of it. This is a pioneering program that I developed with over 25 years of clinical research and has been tested with thousands of clients, with amazing results.
This is a channel dedicated to all of you Mind Shamans. Highly intelligent people, determined to master your minds, eager to optimize your thinking and personal powers, and driven toward success and the joy of life. Most of the data and concepts of these videos are “unknown obvious”, meaning that it’s stuff that we should all know, but most of us don’t.
We split this program in four parts, I suggest that you watch the 4 videos in order, and possibly a few times, take notes and share these concepts with your friends. If you can explain it, then you’ve got it. This kind of knowledge needs to become yours, if you want to make it work.
Let’s start building the logic of this program with 5 insights:
Insight N. 1: You are not your mind! Your mind is not you.
Your mind is your onboard software that works for you 24/7. It promotes and regulates all your thinking, emotions and feelings, as well as every functions and actions of your body. It belongs to you, it works for you, but don’t get confused with it, your mind is not you!
Insight N. 2: Your mind requires your leadership, your unconditional love and your protection to feel safe, be focused and operate successfully.
Your mind is your onboard software, built to operate your own equipment, therefore it requires your direction and your care, to operate successfully. Without your leadership, your mind feels unguided and unsafe, works on autopilot, feels confused and scared, and often makes bad choices.
Insight N.3: Your mind is perfect, naturally healthy and constantly tries to give you the best possible service.
Every endeavor of your mind, including anxiety, drinking or depression, are the best options that your mind identifies to protect you, or to keep you going. Yes, a confused mind might make wrong choices, but always with good intention, thinking that it’s acting in your best interest. As soon your mind discovers and embraces better options, it will substitute the old inefficient choices with healthier and more efficient solutions.
Insight N.4. Do not waste time trying to fix the symptoms, fix the root-causes, and the symptoms will inevitably disappear.
Let’s use an example: Alcohol addiction is typically the consequence of anxiety. Anxiety is the consequence of mental challenges. Therefore, if you want to beat addictions, don’t focus on drinking or on anxiety; fix instead the mental challenges that are causing anxiety. When these are resolved, anxiety ends and the addiction fades away. On the same note, if you have social anxiety, don’t try to remove your fear of people. Remove your fear of judgment and rejection, and your social anxiety will disappear. Make sense?
Insight N.5. Anxiety is a natural and healthy feeling.
Yes! Anxiety is healthy and is used by the mind to prevent troubles. This means that
If your mind see troubles approaching will use anxiety to force you avoid the situation or do something about it. The problem comes, if you can’t figure-out what to do. This feels scary and locks your thinking in a frantic search for possible options, escalating anxiety to fear and triggering Cortisol, the fight or flight hormone. If this painful process is protracted over time, it may degenerate into obsessive, exhausting and debilitating emotional loops. These are often the cause of procrastination, feeling overwhelmed, poor performance and in severe cases, depression. Sound familiar?
The best solution to avoid emotional loops is to reduce the causes of anxiety. With this program, we will focus on the anxiety caused by your relationship with yourself and with the people around you. This includes social anxiety, lack of confidence, stage fright, fear of rejection, judgment, codependency, emotional numbness, narcissism, identity issues, etc. As well as the generalized anxiety related to feeling unsafe if unprotected.
In the next part of the program, we will explore why harmless people may feel dangerous to you and why emotional self-reliance makes or breaks your moods, your personal powers, your creativity and your happiness.
Self-Reparenting Part 2 – Adult Emotional Dependency (AED)
In this video, we will talk about the unspoken culprit of most of your anxiety, stress and fear and how we can get read of it. Stay tuned!
I hope that you enjoyed the first part of this program. In this video, we will talk about the essential role of emotional dependency in childhood, and how, if unresolved after puberty, it degenerates in Adult Emotional Dependency AED. This is the condition that in my opinion, represents the number one cause of anxiety in our society. This knowledge is disruptive and will change many beliefs of modern psychology, identifying emotional self-reliance as THE essential factor to emotional wellbeing.
So, let me walk you through this concept:
Point N. 1: Your body and mind are your personal equipment.
Your body is the equipment that you use to live on planet Earth. It’s built similarly to a highly sophisticated biological robot, with legs as a transport system, hands as tools, eyes as cameras, ears as microphones and a mouth as speakers. Your brain is your central computer and it’s controlled by your mind, which is the onboard software that manages your entire system. Your mind runs every aspect of your mental and physical life, it’s built to be your thinking tool and the manager of your equipment, and works for you 24/7, as your faithful servant.
Point N. 2: Your mind needs fuel, as well as your body. This is a major psychological discovery, please pay attention!
Your entire equipment requires fuel to operate. You are very aware that food is essential for your body, however you may not realize that your mind as well, requires feeding to subsist. I spent many years to identify what are the carbs and the proteins of the mind, and I isolated four vital emotional foods, indispensable for your mind’s wellbeing, these are love, safety, guidance and validation.
Point N. 3: You are meant to become self-reliant in adulthood.
In childhood, your parents are supposed to feed you physically and emotionally. In adulthood instead, you are meant to become self-reliant, nourishing with your own resources, your body with food and water, and your mind with love, protection, guidance and validation.
Point N. 4: Self-reliance typically happens for the body, but rarely for the mind.
You learned how to feed your body, but unfortunately no one taught you that you must feed your mind. This becomes clear when you detach emotionally from your parents, since your mind enters in a state of deprivation and is forced to seek emotional support from ‘others’. Typically, your friends, your partners, your colleagues and the people around you or religious organizations, ideological groups, the army, etc. This position these ‘others’ as vital for your emotional wellbeing, giving them enormous powers and making them feel potentially threatening to you.
Point N. 5: People are not meant to be your emotional providers.
People are not your surrogate parents; thus, they are usually unwilling and unable to satisfy your emotional needs. Your starving mind perceive this as rejection and lack of support, triggering fear of rejection, judgment, abandonment, lack of confidence, lack of identity, feeling unsafe, being a people-pleaser, narcissism or emotional numbness, if the pain is too great. These cause lots of emotional byproducts such as anxiety, fear, anger, addiction, sadness, social anxiety, isolation, neediness, confusion and so on. This condition is defined as Adult Emotional Dependency AED.
Point N. 6 and last: Emotional self-reliance is our natural state of being!
Fortunately, being emotionally dependent from ‘others’ in adulthood is unnatural and can be easily resolved. As soon as we discover and apply self-reliance, self-fulfilling our needs for love, guidance, validation and protection, the need for emotional support provided by ‘others’ vanishes. The relationship with ‘others’ improves dramatically, transforming dependency to interdependency, needs to choices, essential to enjoyable; and removes the power from ‘others’ to hurt us or make us anxious.
Self-Reparenting Part 3 – The Self-Reparenting Process
This is part 3 of our program about anxiety and emotional self-reliance. We talked in the first 2 parts of the program about the devastating effects in adulthood of emotional dependency, how it negatively affects your moods, performances and happiness. In this video, we will talk about how to establish emotional self-reliance and start enjoying an amazing life.
In the first 2 parts of this program we analyzed the nature of anxiety, how it’s formed and what is the condition that causes most of it. We also explored emotional self-reliance as the natural solution to this condition. If you haven’t watched the first two videos, I suggest that you do so, as they will help you prepare the necessary ground work needed to understand and embrace this process.
Now we can work on the actual method. The aim of the process is to help you embrace your natural and long due emotional self-reliance. This method has already worked for thousands of people, if you follow it well, it will work also for you.
The behaviors of self-reliance suggested in this program are models that you were supposed receive from your parents through your childhood. You can now do this with your kids, teaching them emotional self-reliance and helping them to avoid the struggle of emotional dependency in adulthood.
I’ll now guide you through the 3 phases of the process, please take notes, each phase is essential and must transform your relationship with your mind. Understand these concepts logically will not make the changes, it needs to become your vision, the way you see and relate to your mind. I suggest that you give priority to this program throughout your day, journaling your progress every evening before bed time. Do it with the consciousness that will change your life, and will change the life of many around you. You will find the tips in the part 4, very useful to the process, I suggest that you watch the next video as well, before implementing the program.
1st phase. Separation and observation: for the next 7 days, build separation between you and your mind, observing your mind operate as an external observer. Remember, you are not your mind; you are the owner of your mind. During this time, identify your thoughts, what they are, how they are formed, the emotions that are triggered, how these emotions are affecting your moods and your body. See your mind-body talking, moving, and thinking. Try to keep track of the thoughts that are passing through your mind. See yourself as a powerful giant, watching over your body and mind, which faithfully work for you 24/7. Separation between you and your mind-body is essential in this process.
2nd phase. Re-parenting: after training for a week’s your separation with your life equipment, invest the next 7 days to re-parent your mind-body. From now on, you have a new daughter or son, you! Not a wounded child, but a woman or a man of your age. During this week, start developing emotional love for your mind-body, the sincere love that comes from your heart. Build a love story between you, the captain, and your intelligent vessel. Spend time with yourself, pampering your mind-body, the powerful equipment that worked so hard to please you and be embraced by you. Feel compassionate if your mind experiences worry or anxiety, feel happy and proud if your mind experiences success and achievements. Remove your judgment, embrace the pride of a good parent, and offer your body and mind unconditional love.
3rd phase. Leadership: The aim is to implement emotional self-reliance, establishing leadership over your own mind and fulfilling in house your mind’s emotional needs: love, protection, appreciation and guidance. Now you are ready to become the leader of your own mind. Take the driving seat, become the captain, the coach, the protector and the owner of your mind. Develop a deep sense of protection and pride about your life tool. No one can judge or abuse your equipment, because it’s yours. Establish a haven of love around your body and mind, as you would do with your own child. Safeguard your equipment from every form of unnecessary loss of freedom, danger, disrespect, dependency or abuse. Feel the power of this union, in which you will never feel alone, because your inseparable life partner will be with you till the last breath. Lead your mind and body to success, high performance and happiness. It’s your own life equipment. If you understand it well, train it and drive it well, you will have a successful and efficient life; if you don’t, you will struggle and waste a large part of this precious journey on Earth. Make self-leadership and self-reliance your most precious reality. Work consistently to building mental muscles, using every life event, good or challenging, as ground for training. Keep reminding yourself that you are the captain of your vessel, keep maintaining your driving seat, until this positioning over your mind becomes totally natural to you.
Self-Reparenting Part 4 – 10 Essential Life-Coaching Tips
This is part 4 of our program about self-reliance and anxiety. In this video, I’ll give 10 essential life-coaching tips that will help you to implement and enhance your long due self-reliance and emotional freedom. Each tip summarizes years of life coaching that have helped thousands of my clients to be amazing! Enjoy!
Let’s conclude this program with 10 suggestions that will help you boost dramatically your relationship with your mind-body.
Tip N.1 From the times of your birth, you constantly talked to your mind; this conversation is key in this model. Change this conversation from being the friend or the enemy of your mind, to be the leader of your mind. Create two people, you and your mind united in a powerful team, where you are the team-leader.
Tip N.2 Be a fear leader. Reason with your mind or tell your mind, train your mind and listen to your mind, or oblige your mind to follow your commands, but always from a position of fear leadership, unconditional love and respect.
Tip N.3 Establish and train daily this formidable teamwork between you and your mind. This will allow your mind to focus all available undistracted brainpower to learn, create, succeed, be happy and love unconditionally.
Tip N.4 Don’t micro-manage your mind. Set a frame where your mind can operate independently, and if your mind needs or likes to cross the set boundaries, you will set the direction and make the final decisions.
Tip N.5 Value and capitalize your own mistakes as a precious learning process, which is the real purpose of life. Allow mistakes with no judgment or shame, just learn from these; your mind is human and builds experience through failures and success. Let go of past mistakes, because you did what you knew and could at the time. Your unconditional love toward your mind means forgiveness with no regrets.
Tip N.6 Looping and negative thoughts, as well as shame and regret are consuming a large amount of brainpower unnecessarily; stop your mind from doing so and move on, that’s imperative!
Tip N.7 Position your mind equal, if not a little superior, to everyone around you. Not because of arrogance, but because of love and pride for your life equipment. Don’t give power to gurus or masters to lead your mind, but use gurus and master to obtain precious guidance. You are the pilot of your mind, don’t give your driving seat to others, they are not mean to drive your equipment. Remember, if you look up to people, they are looking down to you.
Tip N.8 Learn how to see, instead of trying to be seen. How to choose, instead of trying to be chosen. How to love, instead of trying to be loved. How to be, instead of trying to be.
Tip N.9 Clear your environment from people that are toxic and abuse your energy. Remember, you are the protector of your equipment.
Tip N.10 Nourish, care and exercise your body with immense love. It’s your precious equipment. When it expires, your journey will end, and you will regret it, if it comes too early.
This concludes this program about self-reliance and anxiety, a lot of data and concepts, but it’s worthwhile – I’ve seen thousands of people upgrading every aspect of their life because they reached emotional self-reliance. Can you do it? Of course, you can, it’s your own mind and body, and nature has built you to be self-reliant. It can take 1 day or 6 months, it depends how fast you will absorb this logic, making it your vision and the way you perceive life – but when it happens, your life will be forever changed.